And it's when you've finally let go. When the pain has settled somewhere in your chest positioned so you can no longer feel it; somewhere it no longer gathers at the edges of your heart - tugging a little too tightly. Its then that they come back. On their own agenda. Without your permission. They are searching for reckless abandonment and you're stuck in the middle of it. They will run through you like a tempest in a small town. Whispering comfort from the nape of your neck to your pathetic sympathy. You'll long to be close, just for a minute. And when it's all over. You're be back where you started. Standing in the shadows you just emerged from.

So begin the mending. Find that pocket in your chest where you hid them before. Because as soon as you think you've finally closed it for good....they'll be back for more.

It was 4:45am and the neighborhood was quiet. A lone car was driving out, maybe to get to work - maybe just coming home - but its lights bounced from house to house as it continued on to its destination. The sky was clear as the stars shone bright, and I had to wonder what the rest of the world was doing. In some places it was already tomorrow; in others, people were still sleeping, only dreaming of what today would bring.

And as I sat awake in bed, I couldn't help but be thankful for my world. Aside from being tired in that moment, I was warm, comfortable and fortunate. So I don't have a job currently (or at least a full-time one) and slowly but surely my frustrations are rising. But I do have enough to maintain a comfortable lifestyle. I don't have to worry about where my next meal will be or if it will be. The roof over my head is solid and strong; the house I live in filled with loving family.

Sometimes I forget just how much I have, only to forget just how little others do.

Love like your first time

There seems to be nothing more pure than the first time you fall in love. It’s raw. Guided only by sentiment set into motion as a result of unadulterated passion and trust. You question nothing; having full faith in the person you are and the person you’re with. It almost becomes a tangled web of delusion as you walk fine lines you’d never otherwise test. Loving passionately becomes easy. It's palpable and graceful, dancing mystically between two bodies. Loving with all your heart seems only the right answer.

Yet, when we lose that person – whether it ends well or not – we lose a part of that tenacity. We question the small things. Do they hold you the way you like, eat the food you like, fill the shoes you expect them to fit, find pleasure in the things you do, etc. We find fault in the small things, hoping to somehow find love in the things we’re comfortable with.

But the question becomes, I think, are we meant to love like it’s our first time – every time? Or are we supposed to let what was, remain? There is something to be said for the enthusiasm that I imagine we all escape to in those first moments, however, maybe that’s where they are supposed to remain….with your first love.